Hey y'all!! It has been a minute, but I have been lost in work. I am glad that summer vacation is here... finally.
So much and nothing has happened all at the same time...
I feel on top of the world professionally. I had two schools vying for my skills and I got the school that I wanted. My class did really well this year and only one of my students didn't read on grade level and we are retaining him. English is his second language.
I am excited about my new grade level (3rd) and the team that I will be working with.
My youngest graduated from high school!! Yay!!! I feel free! I know that since both of them are still alive I will always be momma and therefore NOT free, but I feel free!
So life is good. Except... I don't have a man. I want a man... I mean, a loving, fulfilling relationship. I lived in my head for so long, pursuing men who are not really available, trying to convince myself that we actually have something there...
So then I started looking on dating sites. Plenty of Fish, Match, eHarmony, Black People Meet and finally okcupid. I will do anything that is free... lol... but nothing has come of any of it. No one is dealing with reality, Most men want white women or skinny independently wealthy ones. I am neither. The men who do want plain school teacher women like me still dress like my teenaged sons. They don't have any education, look like they live with their moms and message with quaint lines like : "wut u doin"... 'cuse me? When you are trying to speak to me for the first time, please use correct English! Is that too much to ask?
I watched Being Mary Jane the other day and while I liked it, I was pissed at MJ for some for the things she did. She cries because she sees baby commercials. Okay, she wants a family. She can go have a baby if she wants too. Who says she needs a man? Okay, so it's more than just a baby. She wants the man, the picket fence, the 2.5 kids, vacations to Disney, birthday parties in the back yard... we all want those idealized events in our lives, but do we think that they come without some heartache and pain? Reality... get you some! I talked to my best friend about this is she was pissed at me... probably because it hit home for her...
CaraMEL is a dreamer. She grew up with 2 sisters and a mom and dad. She claims that they were the Huxtables of her small working class town. Okay. Her parents got into some real deep financial issues and lost their home last year. Mel and her sisters lived in that house most of their lives. They really don't remember any other home. Everytime she talks about growing up and losing that house all she can say is "but we were the Huxtables"... I want to say to her that the Huxtables were a piece of paper... REALITY... get you some.
I could go on about her, as she could go on about me... but long story short, she married someone that she should have left in college. He is an ass and I'm sure has always been and always will be an ass. But Mel loves him. They both work hard, have 3 cute kids (she has one from another relationship with a FINE brother, but he's another story) own 2 cars, a beautiful house and fight like roaches! She always complains that he doesn't want to spend time with her or the kids. He wants to go 3 hours away to his mom's or racing his remote control cars-- without her. They scream and fight about $$$, food, anything. She won't leave mainly because she doesn't want to give up her lifestyle... And she wants what she sees the white people in her neighborhood have. That's actually what she says... what the white people have... walking in the grocery store together, holding hands around the lake... blah, blah, blah... that nigga you married NEVER did that, so why do you think he'll do it now!??!?!
You know what? I just can't with this anymore today... point, blank and period... just because the man does that doesn't mean that all is hunky dory. Guess what? They say that Claire was a crack head, Cliff cheated on Camille... Denise ran off and got pregnant and kicked off the show, cute little Olivia is gay... life is not tv or a dream... REALITY please!
The men on these dating sites don't want reality, my best friend doesn't want reality, magazine and blog articles all spout off things that are not based in reality... I lived in that cloud of delusion for so long I can't take it anymore.
I want to be grounded in reality and not be pegged as bitter... nothing is perfect, but we can make it the best that we can...
~ Sassyme
