Eyes: Ok lemme rattle off some questions:
1. Why is your friend saying your making a mistake? Not that I am agreeing or disagreeing with her, I just wanna know her opinion?
SassyMe: Woah, that was a lot to think about. I will try to answer them as best as I can... Mel thinks that I will never get over him and move on. She thinks I am in a rut and living in the past. I get what she is saying because she and her son's father did that for years-- until she got pregnant with another man's kid and married the new guy. Her early marriage was rocky because of that. I do admit that I want things back to the way they use to be, but I am not sure that i am that girl anymore.So if I leave it as just sex and reliving memories I am safe. Hurt, but safe.
2. Why you callin it the walk of shame honey?
I felt ashamed going back to my car because it was 2:15 am, I was sneaking back into my house, when if I was with someone that really loved me I would be in my own bed.... Hmmm...3. Um, why is it that you broke up again? Refresh my mind for me girl.
We broke up because he didn't want to be married anymore... I think.... I got mad at him be cause he was gone all hours of the night playing gigs and carousing with the fellas. I think that he had met someone but had not slept with her at the time I went ballistic-- trying to cut and kill anybody in my wake.... He wanted to be single, so I let him be...4. What is it that you loving about him now?
I love him for that same reasons that he loves me. We have a history and children together. He can be so sweet and caring but then he can be so stupid that I cannot stand to be in the same room as him. I love the way his dyck makes me feel too. I am sprung all over it... Dyckmatized!!! 5. Is he single?
He is not single. He is living with the chick he met during our crazy time. I rather like being the one who he is cheating with... I know that is many shades of wrong, but it is the truth..He's not ready to stop his running all over town. I want my man to be at home at night with me. Of course he can go out with his friends but most nights I want it to be me and him. My ex can't do that. He is caught up in the music scene and while he is very talented, his ego and stupidity get in the way of him getting anywhere. So, I think that he is wasting his time and he resents me for that. I resent him for loving music more than me and the kids. We can't be together because of that. Don't even factor in the fact that my dad would kill him if he laid eyes on him. My whole family would disown me... He has been a horrible father --neglecting our boys, not paying child support...
So, why do I still feel this way about him? When I think through my feelings I realize that we are apart for a good reason, but I still hold that torch... He is the love of my life. I have never loved anyone the way I love him... He will always be on the radar... We even joke that I will come to him the night before my wedding... sick joke, I know. When I met him we connected on something more than physical. We didn't even think about sleeping together until about 6 months after we met and started hanging out. We were friends first.. attracted to each other, but still wanting to have that friendship.
My dad says that the best way for me to get over him is to get under another man. (couldn't believe he said it myself!) That is where Young Buck came into the picture. But I did not feel right sleeping with him. I at least want someone that wants a relationship. He might have wanted one with me, but I think that he is too clingy. He is all up that girls butt!!! His latest facebook post says that he is enjoying being with his princess right now. So, he's with her, posting about being with her... EWWWW!! Too Much.....
So there it is.... my sad, confusing life.... Does anybody have anymore questions? The purpose for me starting to do this blog is so that I can sort through this mess and make some sense of it. I haven't done much of that because I am so inside of my head. These questions really have helped me to focus and really be honest with myself about somethings. So, don't just sit there, ask more questions... make comments. I see that there are people that come to the site from Eyes' blog, so I hope that you are reading. Ask me questions, make suggestions, tell me to let go of that man, hook me up with your brother.... SOMETHING!!!?!!??!
Hey miss!
ReplyDeleteFirst let me say that I got your comment (which I did not post) and I truly appreciate your concern regarding my last post. I need encouragement, I need honesty. I am suprised no one has sent me something stank calling me a hoe or something, but I'm sure it's coming. But as long as I've got my Blogger Pals I hope to weather the storm. Big hugs to you for your heartfelt comment Sassy. It really meant a lot. A little tear even came to my eye.
Now back to you...
Well I feel honored that you made a post out of my questions! Hey now!
I looked at your feedjit and see that people are coming over from me, who are coming over from Black Girls Are Easy. We all need each other on this blog thing right?
You were definitely honest on this one girl! I could feel it when I was reading it. Does it help you make some realizations to put that out there like you did? It might. It might not. But at least you have organized why you feel the way you do.
Hmmm. It was all very good info. I see things more clearly about what you got going on. So the big one was why were you still love him. Now are you 'in love' or you just have love for him? I can't speak on the connection you have with a man once you have his child but it must some powerful shyt! It sounds like you either carry a torch (like you admit) or that you hate his fuggin guts like my friend Kim. But the sad thing with her though is that she won't deal with any man now (no homo) so she took it to the extreme with her hate.
Now I didn't know dude had somebody that he was staying with. Hmmm. That makes things even more juicy and the plot thickens.
ReplyDelete(rubs chin)
So it sounds like you know that y'all just having some fun for right now. Gon' and ride that dyck girl. LOL. Now Mel might be right, that you are living in the past because you said you love him because you have 'history.' But that's what it is --- HISTORY. This is now. You know he can't commit - look what he is doing with the chick he has now. He thrives on the notion of still doing what he wants and when he wants to. No one will tie him down and he will fight that until he is in a casket. Soooo...what does that mean for you? If it were me, if he is providing the pleasure you need then go ahead and get it. Yeah, you're helping him be a cheat, but if you get something out of it then whatever. He can never be your man again...so put that out of your head. Why? Cuz you know he is too much of a free spirit and doesn't do well with responsibility. The fact that he does not pay child support is raggedy, and I am almost inclined to think that him doing all this sweet talk and shyt to you is almost like giving him a pass for being an ass all these past years. He hasn't suffered the consequences of being the man that he has been --- he can still see the kids, kiss on you, hang with the boys, and then go home to his woman. Damn I wish I were a boy!
Anyway, you know I ain't the one to preach bc I have given my Tin Man more than enough rope. But I was walking to the subway this morning and I was thinking that unless you compromise and give up some of yourself, then all you can do is manipulate people to revolve around you and serve your needs. And basically, the other person can't ask for shyt...not his time, not his heart, nothing. Is that your mister?
So this time...get what you need. If you need a little every now and then, YOU CALL HIM. Always say no when he calls you. I know it sounds wrong, but if you know you don't want to let him go, then have fun and when you get in the car, think about something else or somebody else. Your girl Mel did it, but she also had another man too. I'm telling you, try the Christian Singles or Match - something! He can't be the only dude on the roster.
Just don't be 'in love' with him. Don't be in love with the history. Either drop him, or screw him. Don't love him. Unless you see changes in him and the way he treats his kids, he is the same ol' man.
Yes, my sister, you are speaking the truth! I need to leave the love stuff in the past. I got me a little taste this morning... Lord, help, it was too good! I still want to murder him though....
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for telling me like it is. I need people to be honest with me.
I was talking to someone about how he says that he loves me still and she was the one who told me that Love is as Love does... she's right. It is all about showing me you love me... and he's not showing me.
On a happier note: I am glad about the traffic that I am getting from your blog. I hope that people are entertained, informed and not bored out of their heads! I also have another post in me that was hilarious when I was recalling the incident to Mel. I have to get it together and post it soon... it will be interesting....
Love ya Eyes, I appreciate your input and honesty.
Love ya.
ReplyDeleteJust remember...always decline his offers to see you. You call him for the dyck. It sounds simple but this little bit of control will get your mind right on things. But honestly, honestly, honestly...you have emotions and he is talking about LOVE? LOVE?
So is he gonna be with you then? Is he coming back to you?If not, STFU and tell him that. STFU.
Tell him that he only loves himself and that you're just having fun and he can spare all that lovey dovey crap. He loves the sex. You said it yourself, he ain't showing anything but his naked ass. LOL.
All that's gonna end up happening is you're gonna get mad with him for something and then the sex will be cut off. Watch. So ride the wave (and the dyck)now if you can handle it, but you need to find someone else ASAP. ASAP. Or at least get some dates lined up girl.
The ass is as an ass does was more about Tin Man than my last blog post. That dude as not an ass per se, he was just lame.