Update on The Devil

Not only did this MF'er move another woman into his house with MY kid, but he moved a pregnant one in! Yes, I said it, PREGNANT. So now when his baby is 17 years old, this nigga is about to have another baby.

But, she lost it last week. I am not sad. I kinda think that I should feel bad about that, but I don't.

THE END

Guess Who???

Well, here it is, just a mere 2 days since my last post that had me happy dancing because I was over The Devil... guess who called me just as I got home today? Of course.

 He is going out of town for business and he's leaving our 18 year old home alone. He called to ask me to check on him. Really? Okay. Well, of course I talked to him for about an hour.. about the kids, me, him, work, whatever.

He still says that he loves me. I just didn't even react. I just kept talking. He is really getting to me. I won't believe anything that he says because he isn't proving anything to me with his actions. 

I've got my head up and I'm moving forward!!! I can't let this stop me from moving on.

Sassiest Girl on the Block!

Am I Really Moving On!?!??!

I have not talked to him in about 2 weeks, other than discussing our kids. He hasn't really initiated any of our conversations. I called him because I needed to know what the outcome of a meeting at J's school was and he wanted to know how Lil D was feeling after being sick. It really hurt for a few days, but oddly today I thought to myself ,"Hmmm. I haven't thought of him all day. For a couple of days, in fact."

So there, I am cured! Even as I am writing this I don't feel sadness or pain. Maybe I'm really done. But as sure as I am standing here, he will call me sometime soon and I will be faced with the pain of it again.... It ALWAYS happens this way!!!!!!

On an unrelated sidenote: I cried like a fool today watching The Color Purple for the 100 millionth time. How many times am I going to cry while watching Shug Avery run back to her Daddy's church singing, "God Is Trying to Tell You Something"? PMS is a B*TCH!

At least I am feeling better about The Devil and our lack of relationship. Today. Tomorrow is another story.

Sassy Still Plays the Fool

I love him. He loves me, but not as much as I love him. I'm ready to take to the relationship level. He's not. He told me not to wait on him...

Moving on..... cause my momma didn't raise no fool.

Same old stuff, different day

Me and Devil again... Tuesday night, at out oldest son's lacrosse game, he told me how much he loved me, was working on getting out of the relationship he was in and wanted to remarry me one day soon.  Yeah, he was trippin'. Of course, it all sounds really good, but I've been screwed by him too many times before. I'm just sitting back, listening and observing. He just went on and on about how he made a mistake...blah, blah, blah...

So, after his soul bearing session on Tuesday night, I have not heard from him until today.
I called him a couple of times this week and he either didn't answer or was really distant. I only talked to him today because we were exchanging the youngest and we had to determine a place to meet.I called him out on ignoring me this week and he said that he was busy, that it was a bad week. I said, so- I had a hard week too. I told him that I thought that his declarations of love were real on Tuesday, but that if I was on the wrong page, PLEASE correct me. He didn't say anything, so I just ended the call.

When I met him to pick up Lil D, he had all kinds of intense looks, like he wanted to take me right then and there. I just ignored him. We made plans to go to J's next game, at our alma mater and then I jetted.

What is up with this? Getting on my nerves... What is he trying to do to me?

Is This Love Tied to My Va-jay-jay?

I've been hot and heavy with the ex for the past few weeks. We have yet to define anything, but my hormones have been trying to define it. When we are together all we do is have sex or TRY to have sex. It makes me feel like those K-Y Jelly commercials. All I can think about is "nutmeg" with him! If we can't have
Nutmeg, there is nothing much there. But I love him soooo much. He says he loves me sooooo much too. But are we in love with the feeling that nutmeg gives us?
Hmmmmm..... still thinking & feeling dumb...

What to do, what to do....

He says that he loves me, he says he wants to uncomplicate his life, he says we need to talk....

What do I say.... nothing... I'm hiding under the covers....

2011 Recap....

Wow, it has been a minute since I have been up here. Last we spoke I had gone on a date with a friend of a friend...BORING! So that didn't work out at all. I tried, but it just wasn't there.

I started student teaching and that was an experience. My cooperating teacher was a hot, mangled mess. I wanted to slap that ho' many a day. That is a story for a different day.

I finally graduated and I got a job even before I graduated!!! Whoo Hoo. I'm Miss Kindergarten Teacha, now! Started that job this week and I am sure that there will be many more stories about that, because my assistant is a trip!

The Young Buck and I decided that friendship was the way to go and lo and behold that boy just asked the chick with the big forehead to marry him, on New Year's Eve! Jesus Wept!

My nephew D is still after these older women. He is now dating Young Buck's wife! I just can't with him anymore. We do not even discuss their relationship after I expressed concern about him dating S and he called me out about not having a man. I was through with him!

But he's right, I STILL don't have a man. Some days I'm okay, because I am trying to get my career off the ground and raise my kids, but other days I am depressed that there are no men in my life, and no real prospects. I am 38 years old and don't have anyone to spend my old age with!

BTW, I had a month long birthday celebration that I enjoyed immensely. 38 is hot!

I had a few rendezvous with my ex - the devil and they were great. The most recent being today. He just rocks my world! (**lmbo -Wanda , In Living Color). But he does. I wish I could get out from under his spell.

That has been my last half of 2011 and despite the not having a man thing, it was okay and I just know that 2012 is gonna be my year... for something!

Happy New Year everyone,

From the Sassiest Girl in the block! Mwah!

Answers to some questions...

Eyes on the Prize had some questions about my last post. I thought about them for a few hours and began to draft a response. It got so long that I thought that I should put them into a new blog post. She asked for my honesty, so I will be as transparent as possible. I have already surprised myself with some of my answers....

Eyes: Ok lemme rattle off some questions:

1. Why is your friend saying your making a mistake? Not that I am agreeing or disagreeing with her, I just wanna know her opinion?

SassyMe: Woah, that was a lot to think about. I will try to answer them as best as I can...

Mel thinks that I will never get over him and move on. She thinks I am in a rut and living in the past. I get what she is saying because she and her son's father did that for years-- until she got pregnant with another man's kid and married the new guy. Her early marriage was rocky because of that. I do admit that I want things back to the way they use to be, but I am not sure that i am that girl anymore.So if I leave it as just sex and reliving memories I am safe. Hurt, but safe.

2. Why you callin it the walk of shame honey?

I felt ashamed going back to my car because it was 2:15 am, I was sneaking back into my house, when if I was with someone that really loved me I would be in my own bed.... Hmmm...

3. Um, why is it that you broke up again? Refresh my mind for me girl.

We broke up because he didn't want to be married anymore... I think.... I got mad at him be cause he was gone all hours of the night playing gigs and carousing with the fellas. I think that he had met someone but had not slept with her at the time I went ballistic-- trying to cut and kill anybody in my wake.... He wanted to be single, so I let him be...

4. What is it that you loving about him now?

I love him for that same reasons that he loves me. We have a history and children together. He can be so sweet and caring but then he can be so stupid that  I cannot stand to be in the same room as him. I love the way his dyck makes me feel too. I am sprung all over it... Dyckmatized!!!

5. Is he single? 

He is not single. He is living with the chick he met during our crazy time. I rather like being the one who he is cheating with... I know that is many shades of wrong, but it is the truth..

He's not ready to stop his running all over town. I want my man to be at home at night with me. Of course he can go out with his friends but most nights I want it to be me and him. My ex can't do that. He is caught up in the music scene and while he is very talented, his ego and stupidity get in the way of him getting anywhere. So, I think that he is wasting his time and he resents me for that. I resent him for loving music more than me and the kids. We can't be together because of that. Don't even factor in the fact that my dad would kill him if he laid eyes on him. My whole family would disown me... He has been a horrible father --neglecting our boys, not paying child support...

So, why do I still feel this way about him? When I think through my feelings I realize that we are apart for a good reason, but I still hold that torch... He is the love of my life. I have never loved anyone the way I love him... He will always be on the radar... We even joke that I will come to him the night before my wedding... sick joke, I know. When I met him we connected on something more than physical. We didn't even think about sleeping together until about 6 months after we met and started hanging out. We were friends first.. attracted to each other, but still wanting to have that friendship.

My dad says that the best way for me to get over him is to get under another man. (couldn't believe he said it myself!) That is where Young Buck came into the picture. But I did not feel right sleeping with him. I at least want someone that wants a relationship. He might have wanted one with me, but I think that he is too clingy. He is all up that girls butt!!! His latest facebook post says that he is enjoying being with his princess right now. So, he's with her, posting about being with her... EWWWW!! Too Much.....

So there it is.... my sad, confusing life.... Does anybody have anymore questions? The purpose for me starting to do this blog is so that I can sort through this mess and make some sense of it. I haven't done much of that because I am so inside of my head. These questions really have helped me to focus and really be honest with myself about somethings. So, don't just sit there, ask more questions... make comments. I see that there are people that come to the site from Eyes' blog, so I hope that you are reading. Ask me questions, make suggestions, tell me to let go of that man, hook me up with your brother.... SOMETHING!!!?!!??!