Reality

Hey y'all!! It has been a minute, but I have been lost in work. I am glad that summer vacation is here... finally.

So much and nothing has happened all at the same time...

I feel on top of the world professionally. I had two schools vying for my skills and I got the school that I wanted. My class did really well this year and only one of my students didn't read on grade level and we are retaining him. English is his second language.

I am excited about my new grade level (3rd) and the team that I will be working with.

My youngest graduated from high school!! Yay!!! I feel free! I know that since both of them are still alive I will always be momma and therefore NOT free, but I feel free!

So life is good. Except... I don't have a man. I want a man... I mean, a loving, fulfilling relationship. I lived in my head for so long, pursuing men who are not really available, trying to convince myself that we actually have something there...

So then I started looking on dating sites. Plenty of Fish, Match, eHarmony, Black People Meet and finally okcupid. I will do anything that is free... lol... but nothing has come of any of it. No one is dealing with reality, Most men want white women or skinny independently wealthy ones. I am neither. The men who do want plain school teacher women like me still dress like my teenaged sons. They don't have any education, look like they live with their moms and message with quaint lines like : "wut u doin"... 'cuse me? When you are trying to speak to me for the first time, please use correct English! Is that too much to ask?

I watched Being Mary Jane the other day and while I liked it, I was pissed at MJ for some for the things she did. She cries because she sees baby commercials. Okay, she wants a family. She can go have a baby if she wants too. Who says she needs a man? Okay, so it's more than just a baby. She wants the man, the picket fence, the 2.5 kids, vacations to Disney, birthday parties in the back yard... we all want those idealized events in our lives, but do we think that they come without some heartache and pain? Reality... get you some! I talked to my best friend about this is she was pissed at me... probably because it hit home for her...

CaraMEL is a dreamer. She grew up with 2 sisters and a mom and dad. She claims that they were the Huxtables of her small working class town. Okay. Her parents got into some real deep financial issues and lost their home last year. Mel and her sisters lived in that house most of their lives. They really don't remember any other home.  Everytime she talks about growing up and losing that house all she can say is "but we were the Huxtables"... I want to say to her that the Huxtables were a piece of paper... REALITY... get you some.

 I could go on about her, as she could go on about me... but long story short, she married someone that she should have left in college. He is an ass and I'm sure has always been and always will be an ass. But Mel loves him. They both work hard, have 3 cute kids (she has one from another relationship with a FINE brother, but he's another story) own 2 cars, a beautiful house and fight like roaches! She always complains that he doesn't want to spend time with her or the kids. He wants to go 3 hours away to his mom's or racing his remote control cars-- without her. They scream and fight about $$$, food, anything. She won't leave mainly because she doesn't want to give up her lifestyle... And she wants what she sees the white people in her neighborhood have. That's actually what she says... what the white people have... walking in the grocery store together, holding hands around the lake... blah, blah, blah... that nigga you married NEVER did that, so why do you think he'll do it now!??!?!

You know what? I just can't with this anymore today... point, blank and period... just because the man does that doesn't mean that all is hunky dory. Guess what? They say that Claire was a crack head, Cliff cheated on Camille... Denise ran off and got pregnant and kicked off the show, cute little Olivia is gay... life is not tv or a dream... REALITY please!

The men on these dating sites don't want reality, my best friend doesn't want reality, magazine and blog articles all spout off things that are not based in reality... I lived in that cloud of delusion for so long I can't take it anymore.

I want to be grounded in reality and not be pegged as bitter... nothing is perfect, but we can make it the best that we can...

~ Sassyme

Me and Mine

"There is only one type of relationship... the relationship between two people. You can only have ONE at a time. This is so sick. You're right. Desperate women allow this to happen so that that can "have" a man and he can "have" EVERYBODY! It seems like a man cannot love and be faithful to one woman, but I am believing God that there are men out there that can and will.

Before I take any of this stuff to heart, I have to consider the source.

 *** Jada and Will-- something fishy is up with them. Like Shakespeare said- "Me thinks they doth protest too much." Why do you have to put your sex life out there like that? When me and mine are good, the smile on my face is ALL that you need to know to know the status of my relationship."   

This is a draft of something I wrote months ago... before Christmas. I have no idea what was going on in my head or life at this time, but I must have been fired up about something!!! But, I must say that what I wrote was true... God HAS to have a faithful man out there for me!!!

P.S. School's almost out for the summer!!!! So excited! What are your summer plans?

Sassy Still Plays the Fool

I love him. He loves me, but not as much as I love him. I'm ready to take to the relationship level. He's not. He told me not to wait on him...

Moving on..... cause my momma didn't raise no fool.

What to do, what to do....

He says that he loves me, he says he wants to uncomplicate his life, he says we need to talk....

What do I say.... nothing... I'm hiding under the covers....

2011 Recap....

Wow, it has been a minute since I have been up here. Last we spoke I had gone on a date with a friend of a friend...BORING! So that didn't work out at all. I tried, but it just wasn't there.

I started student teaching and that was an experience. My cooperating teacher was a hot, mangled mess. I wanted to slap that ho' many a day. That is a story for a different day.

I finally graduated and I got a job even before I graduated!!! Whoo Hoo. I'm Miss Kindergarten Teacha, now! Started that job this week and I am sure that there will be many more stories about that, because my assistant is a trip!

The Young Buck and I decided that friendship was the way to go and lo and behold that boy just asked the chick with the big forehead to marry him, on New Year's Eve! Jesus Wept!

My nephew D is still after these older women. He is now dating Young Buck's wife! I just can't with him anymore. We do not even discuss their relationship after I expressed concern about him dating S and he called me out about not having a man. I was through with him!

But he's right, I STILL don't have a man. Some days I'm okay, because I am trying to get my career off the ground and raise my kids, but other days I am depressed that there are no men in my life, and no real prospects. I am 38 years old and don't have anyone to spend my old age with!

BTW, I had a month long birthday celebration that I enjoyed immensely. 38 is hot!

I had a few rendezvous with my ex - the devil and they were great. The most recent being today. He just rocks my world! (**lmbo -Wanda , In Living Color). But he does. I wish I could get out from under his spell.

That has been my last half of 2011 and despite the not having a man thing, it was okay and I just know that 2012 is gonna be my year... for something!

Happy New Year everyone,

From the Sassiest Girl in the block! Mwah!

Truer Words

I was told the other day that "Love is as love does..."

Truer words ...

Got Goals?

Hmmmmmm. Eyes, you asked if I had any goals for the New Year and I got to thinkin'.....
What is it I want to accomplish in 2011--0ther than paying my bills and not killing my kids and keeping them on the right track.

The thing that I kept coming up with is.... stop doing the same thing, falling in the same traps.
This pertains to men more than any other thing in my life. I need to stop chasing after the unavailable men in my life.

Man #1-- The Ex Husband... I must admit, I still carry a torch for the man he used to be to me. He is still sexy and can put it down, but he is not the husband, father and provider that he used to be. But he is also not the Devil that I have portrayed him to be. He's somewhere in the middle. He says that he still loves me, but I cannot go through that crap again.... So leave him alone.

Man #2-- The Professor... I really thought that I was going to marry this man, so much so that I told my ex husband how upset I was when the relationship didn't pan out. (But that was a ploy on my part to get some from the ex *yes*) I still am very attracted to him physically and financially, but he is not the man for me. He is so nerdy, part of his charm, and is a good Christian man, but there is no real chemistry there. So why can't I leave him alone?

Man #3-- The Young Buck... Such a tasty delight! Since his latest disappearance I have only had the chance to see him once. He was at band rehearsal on Sunday acting like his regular old self. I tried to keep my distance, but I couldn't. He had me laughing and flirting in no time. He even pushed all up on me and tried to get a smooch. That is where I drew the line though. I feel silly for asking him why he stood me up for my birthday, because this is supposed to be casual and all, but I feel misused. I can try to have a platonic flirtation--ship, but that is all it is going to be!!!

So, I haven;t really laid out any goals, other than leaving these fine, sexy, unavailable men alone. Isn't there anything else to my life? Hopefully buy the New Year I will have some more goals to put up. But what about you guys, do you have goals?

A New Year, A New Game

I usually don't make resolutions for the new year. I feel that any changes I make can be done the day I think of them and I am always looking for ways and things to improve. But last night I decided to make some changes and they will happen to coincide with the New Year.

Our church is going on a 21 day fast. I am not that cranked about it, but I know that it will aid in my spiritual growth. So, I am stepping up my game for the Lord and it seems fitting to step up my game for myself. I have 2 wedding this spring to attend and I want to look my best. I have already started losing the 20 pounds that I want to have off by then. I would love to go for 30, but that may be pushing it! I am going to get back to walking the mile 3x per week and cardio 3x per week. Between the weather and Christmas break, I have not been on my game.

The new semester begins soon and I want to continue with the quality of work that I have been producing and improve. I also want to be able to give my kids more attention in their school work, and help my oldest find a job!!!

Also, in my personal life, the area that really started this rehash, there will be more changes. At our church business meeting, the guy that I like (boy, does that sound so middle school) was teasing me about something and a friend said that "He's doing that b/c he likes you". I said that if he likes me he needs to stop playing games like that with his 40 year old self!!! I am not playing games like that ANYMORE!!! If you want to be with me, you gotta come correct! Flirting and joking are fine, but I am not getting any younger, so come with something better than that.
Prince is a big source of confusion for me. I have not been actively seeking a man, but he keeps popping up on my radar. We have been to dinner a few times, been shopping, ran errands together, played golf, and gone to a wedding together. I have always had a good time even though he is kinda nerdy! I know that he is a good man but I don't want to play games anymore. It is what it is... are we going somewhere with this, or not. There is really no in between!
I think that I will look into Match.com or eHarmony this year. I want to start dating again and I cannot wait all day for him.

So that's it. I am not playing around this year, I am stepping it up... moving forward into my destiny, which is bigger than anyone can even imagine! Thank you Jesus!!!!!

Have a Happy New Year !!!!!