The other night my best friend, CaraMEL and I, were going down memory lane, recalling our wild times in college. She and I had some definite ho activities going on.... smh... lol
Anyway, I started to reminisce about the first guy I attempted to have sex with at college. His name was Byron and he was a Junior. His cousin was dating one of my suite mates so we hung out a lot. I met him outside of one of my speech classes and he and I connected over music and books. He had been one of the drum majors the year before, but had been sidelined due to a foot injury, so he had lots of free time for me.
So, we all went to a game in another town and got a room for the night. He had it all set up really nice. Music, strawberries, Boone's Farm (yes, the romantic-est of grocery store wines) and flowers. I was so excited!!! We got into bed and began kissing and stuff and then he tried to stuff the BIGGEST penis I had ever seen (and seen since) into my 18 year old vagina!!!! I was like, "Ohmigod, NO!" I tried to get him to slow down and do something else, but he still kept trying. I went to the bathroom and put a wet washcloth between my legs. I began to talk to myself and psyche myself up for going back out there. "I can do this... I am a Spartan (got that from NC17)... I have made boys cum at the drop of a hat... My stuff is good stuff!!!!"
I marched back out there ready to put it on him and he pounced on me again. OMIGOD!!!(now if I knew then what I know now, I'd made him lick it or something!!! I was not ready at all-- he was trying to split me wide open!!)
Anyway, I tried to make the best of it but I couldn't. Well, it actually didn't matter anyway... He kept trying to push in and came!!! He was like, "ummm girl, you must have some good stuff, because I came before I got it in." At the time, I was not an expert on sex and my own body, but I knew something was up.
The rest of the night was great. We cuddled, ate and watched TV. He didn't seem mad at all. We didn't really see each other much after that night. No hard feelings, we just didn't cross paths after my suite mate and his cousin broke up.
I heard a few months later that people were suspecting that Byron was GAY!!!If that is so, our encounter made a lot of sense. He didn't try to get some juices flowing down there + he liked it tight= butt wrangler. He was a Junior, at least 21 years old, you would think that he would know how to get a woman aroused.
Now this might not be funny to you, but now, all these years later-- I was dying laughing with Mel. I mean real tears down my face because this was hilarious. I had really just come to the this realization while I was talking to Mel. **This fione upperclassman was probably confused about his sexuality and tried to act hetero with me-- a young, hot in the tail freshman. I thought he was so cool for not being upset that we didn't do the do, but he was not really even interested! Did I turn him gay or did I just help him realize that vagina was not his cup of tea!
I have tried to find out if anyone from college remembers him and knows where he is, but I haven't had any luck.
Has anyone ever had this happen to them? Have you been with someone and then find out that they were gay sometime later? Talk to me...
Friday, June 24, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Answers to some questions...
Eyes on the Prize had some questions about my last post. I thought about them for a few hours and began to draft a response. It got so long that I thought that I should put them into a new blog post. She asked for my honesty, so I will be as transparent as possible. I have already surprised myself with some of my answers....
Mel thinks that I will never get over him and move on. She thinks I am in a rut and living in the past. I get what she is saying because she and her son's father did that for years-- until she got pregnant with another man's kid and married the new guy. Her early marriage was rocky because of that. I do admit that I want things back to the way they use to be, but I am not sure that i am that girl anymore.So if I leave it as just sex and reliving memories I am safe. Hurt, but safe.
He's not ready to stop his running all over town. I want my man to be at home at night with me. Of course he can go out with his friends but most nights I want it to be me and him. My ex can't do that. He is caught up in the music scene and while he is very talented, his ego and stupidity get in the way of him getting anywhere. So, I think that he is wasting his time and he resents me for that. I resent him for loving music more than me and the kids. We can't be together because of that. Don't even factor in the fact that my dad would kill him if he laid eyes on him. My whole family would disown me... He has been a horrible father --neglecting our boys, not paying child support...
So, why do I still feel this way about him? When I think through my feelings I realize that we are apart for a good reason, but I still hold that torch... He is the love of my life. I have never loved anyone the way I love him... He will always be on the radar... We even joke that I will come to him the night before my wedding... sick joke, I know. When I met him we connected on something more than physical. We didn't even think about sleeping together until about 6 months after we met and started hanging out. We were friends first.. attracted to each other, but still wanting to have that friendship.
My dad says that the best way for me to get over him is to get under another man. (couldn't believe he said it myself!) That is where Young Buck came into the picture. But I did not feel right sleeping with him. I at least want someone that wants a relationship. He might have wanted one with me, but I think that he is too clingy. He is all up that girls butt!!! His latest facebook post says that he is enjoying being with his princess right now. So, he's with her, posting about being with her... EWWWW!! Too Much.....
So there it is.... my sad, confusing life.... Does anybody have anymore questions? The purpose for me starting to do this blog is so that I can sort through this mess and make some sense of it. I haven't done much of that because I am so inside of my head. These questions really have helped me to focus and really be honest with myself about somethings. So, don't just sit there, ask more questions... make comments. I see that there are people that come to the site from Eyes' blog, so I hope that you are reading. Ask me questions, make suggestions, tell me to let go of that man, hook me up with your brother.... SOMETHING!!!?!!??!
Eyes: Ok lemme rattle off some questions:
1. Why is your friend saying your making a mistake? Not that I am agreeing or disagreeing with her, I just wanna know her opinion?
SassyMe: Woah, that was a lot to think about. I will try to answer them as best as I can... Mel thinks that I will never get over him and move on. She thinks I am in a rut and living in the past. I get what she is saying because she and her son's father did that for years-- until she got pregnant with another man's kid and married the new guy. Her early marriage was rocky because of that. I do admit that I want things back to the way they use to be, but I am not sure that i am that girl anymore.So if I leave it as just sex and reliving memories I am safe. Hurt, but safe.
2. Why you callin it the walk of shame honey?
I felt ashamed going back to my car because it was 2:15 am, I was sneaking back into my house, when if I was with someone that really loved me I would be in my own bed.... Hmmm...3. Um, why is it that you broke up again? Refresh my mind for me girl.
We broke up because he didn't want to be married anymore... I think.... I got mad at him be cause he was gone all hours of the night playing gigs and carousing with the fellas. I think that he had met someone but had not slept with her at the time I went ballistic-- trying to cut and kill anybody in my wake.... He wanted to be single, so I let him be...4. What is it that you loving about him now?
I love him for that same reasons that he loves me. We have a history and children together. He can be so sweet and caring but then he can be so stupid that I cannot stand to be in the same room as him. I love the way his dyck makes me feel too. I am sprung all over it... Dyckmatized!!! 5. Is he single?
He is not single. He is living with the chick he met during our crazy time. I rather like being the one who he is cheating with... I know that is many shades of wrong, but it is the truth..He's not ready to stop his running all over town. I want my man to be at home at night with me. Of course he can go out with his friends but most nights I want it to be me and him. My ex can't do that. He is caught up in the music scene and while he is very talented, his ego and stupidity get in the way of him getting anywhere. So, I think that he is wasting his time and he resents me for that. I resent him for loving music more than me and the kids. We can't be together because of that. Don't even factor in the fact that my dad would kill him if he laid eyes on him. My whole family would disown me... He has been a horrible father --neglecting our boys, not paying child support...
So, why do I still feel this way about him? When I think through my feelings I realize that we are apart for a good reason, but I still hold that torch... He is the love of my life. I have never loved anyone the way I love him... He will always be on the radar... We even joke that I will come to him the night before my wedding... sick joke, I know. When I met him we connected on something more than physical. We didn't even think about sleeping together until about 6 months after we met and started hanging out. We were friends first.. attracted to each other, but still wanting to have that friendship.
My dad says that the best way for me to get over him is to get under another man. (couldn't believe he said it myself!) That is where Young Buck came into the picture. But I did not feel right sleeping with him. I at least want someone that wants a relationship. He might have wanted one with me, but I think that he is too clingy. He is all up that girls butt!!! His latest facebook post says that he is enjoying being with his princess right now. So, he's with her, posting about being with her... EWWWW!! Too Much.....
So there it is.... my sad, confusing life.... Does anybody have anymore questions? The purpose for me starting to do this blog is so that I can sort through this mess and make some sense of it. I haven't done much of that because I am so inside of my head. These questions really have helped me to focus and really be honest with myself about somethings. So, don't just sit there, ask more questions... make comments. I see that there are people that come to the site from Eyes' blog, so I hope that you are reading. Ask me questions, make suggestions, tell me to let go of that man, hook me up with your brother.... SOMETHING!!!?!!??!
Saturday, June 4, 2011
I've Been a Bad, Bad Girl!!! ( But It felt so very good)
Hello Friends.... *a-hem, is this thing on?*
I have been gone a while, almost a month. Let's recap...
So I told my nephew about that tramp, T, and her whorish ways. I know that it hurt him, but I am glad that I did, because he had been texting her, telling her how he still had feelings and she was saying that he had made her day and she felt the same. Whateva heffa, but she did not tell him that she had invited old dude, TK, to her niece and nephew's birthday party while my nephew was out of town. I did not reveal all of that to him, but I did tell him that she was trying to talk to TK. I didn't tell him about the texts she sent him--that nasty ho-- and how she wanted TK to come to the beach with her for Memorial Day. I think I'm gonna leave it alone. I did what I could.
My oldest child is acting crazy. He thinks that he can come and go as he pleases. Well, that triffling nicca is going to live with his father. We only have 2 more days of school, and then he's otta here!!! I cannot do it anymore. I am afraid that one of us will go to jail.
Young Buck is still the one that gets me going, but I have met someone new,Mason. He is okay, but he doesn't get me too excited. He is just someone to text during the day and someone to take me to dinner... that is when school is not killing me.
I ended up with decent grades for the spring semester, but this summer class is killing me. I am supposed to be writing a 10 page paper due on Tuesday, but I have not typed one single, solitary word yet! This blog post is just another in a long line of diversions I have used this week.
Now to the bad, bad girl stuff....
I am pretty tame, I try to be a good Holy Ghost filled little girl, but I slip up from time to time. So what I have done may not be as scandalous as others, it is definitely not in my character....
Last week I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night (so that my kids wouldn't wake up)to meet my ex husband in an empty apartment to have sex. He was cleaning the apartment for his landlord and still had to clean the carpets and other stuff. I have been so out of my mind because of my kid and school work that I needed a diversion. And baby, was it ever a good one. Now, the devil and I have been in and out of a sexual relationship ever since we divorced and I have always had mixed feelings. I still am in love with the person that he USED to be and I know that he still loves who he THINKS I still am, so that makes our encounters DY-NO-MITE! I was so turned on as I drove to meet him. I had even sent him a dirty picture earlier that night and he had sent me one that morning. This is soooo out of character for me, but I am turned on by doing things that are not my nature.
He had been drinking a little at the band rehearsal he had just come from so he was really affectionate. He brought candles, a nice comforter and some music and snacks. I was very surprised when I saw him carrying all of this to the house. After a tour of the tri-level apartment, which was nice and reminded us of our first apartment, he began his seduction...
I won't give details, but that was the best 2 hours that I have had in a long while. But some troubling things did happen.... he told me that he really loved me and he knew that I didn't believe him-- I want to , but I don't AND I told him that I loved him too--- I want to, but I can't!!! Oh, no!!!!!
What am I going to do? I think that I meant it, but i can't be with him. I played it off by saying that even though we have these feelings, the sex wouldn't be as good if we were together, we'd be fighting all of time. He just looked at me and kept going.
Well, I walked the walk of shame with him out to my car at 2:30 AM and he kissed me ever so tenderly. I drove home still feeling good and very sleepy!He texted me and then called about an hour later-- after he had finished what ever he was doing. He still says that he loves me and that he can't get enough.
My little sistah/bestie CaraMEL says that I making a mistake and I will only hurt myself in the long run. I haven't told any of the other sistahs because they will kill me. But they are all married and can get some of that love and affection anytime. I did tell EYES that I wouldn't get involved with him again, but after 6 months of not getting any I HAD to break that promise! I have the weekend to get some space, but he has already called and texted today!
So that's what I have been up to in the past few weeks... What'cha think?
SassyMe
I have been gone a while, almost a month. Let's recap...
So I told my nephew about that tramp, T, and her whorish ways. I know that it hurt him, but I am glad that I did, because he had been texting her, telling her how he still had feelings and she was saying that he had made her day and she felt the same. Whateva heffa, but she did not tell him that she had invited old dude, TK, to her niece and nephew's birthday party while my nephew was out of town. I did not reveal all of that to him, but I did tell him that she was trying to talk to TK. I didn't tell him about the texts she sent him--that nasty ho-- and how she wanted TK to come to the beach with her for Memorial Day. I think I'm gonna leave it alone. I did what I could.
My oldest child is acting crazy. He thinks that he can come and go as he pleases. Well, that triffling nicca is going to live with his father. We only have 2 more days of school, and then he's otta here!!! I cannot do it anymore. I am afraid that one of us will go to jail.
Young Buck is still the one that gets me going, but I have met someone new,Mason. He is okay, but he doesn't get me too excited. He is just someone to text during the day and someone to take me to dinner... that is when school is not killing me.
I ended up with decent grades for the spring semester, but this summer class is killing me. I am supposed to be writing a 10 page paper due on Tuesday, but I have not typed one single, solitary word yet! This blog post is just another in a long line of diversions I have used this week.
Now to the bad, bad girl stuff....
I am pretty tame, I try to be a good Holy Ghost filled little girl, but I slip up from time to time. So what I have done may not be as scandalous as others, it is definitely not in my character....
Last week I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night (so that my kids wouldn't wake up)to meet my ex husband in an empty apartment to have sex. He was cleaning the apartment for his landlord and still had to clean the carpets and other stuff. I have been so out of my mind because of my kid and school work that I needed a diversion. And baby, was it ever a good one. Now, the devil and I have been in and out of a sexual relationship ever since we divorced and I have always had mixed feelings. I still am in love with the person that he USED to be and I know that he still loves who he THINKS I still am, so that makes our encounters DY-NO-MITE! I was so turned on as I drove to meet him. I had even sent him a dirty picture earlier that night and he had sent me one that morning. This is soooo out of character for me, but I am turned on by doing things that are not my nature.
He had been drinking a little at the band rehearsal he had just come from so he was really affectionate. He brought candles, a nice comforter and some music and snacks. I was very surprised when I saw him carrying all of this to the house. After a tour of the tri-level apartment, which was nice and reminded us of our first apartment, he began his seduction...
I won't give details, but that was the best 2 hours that I have had in a long while. But some troubling things did happen.... he told me that he really loved me and he knew that I didn't believe him-- I want to , but I don't AND I told him that I loved him too--- I want to, but I can't!!! Oh, no!!!!!
What am I going to do? I think that I meant it, but i can't be with him. I played it off by saying that even though we have these feelings, the sex wouldn't be as good if we were together, we'd be fighting all of time. He just looked at me and kept going.
Well, I walked the walk of shame with him out to my car at 2:30 AM and he kissed me ever so tenderly. I drove home still feeling good and very sleepy!He texted me and then called about an hour later-- after he had finished what ever he was doing. He still says that he loves me and that he can't get enough.
My little sistah/bestie CaraMEL says that I making a mistake and I will only hurt myself in the long run. I haven't told any of the other sistahs because they will kill me. But they are all married and can get some of that love and affection anytime. I did tell EYES that I wouldn't get involved with him again, but after 6 months of not getting any I HAD to break that promise! I have the weekend to get some space, but he has already called and texted today!
So that's what I have been up to in the past few weeks... What'cha think?
SassyMe
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